Drinking At Work II – Overcoming the habit

A recent comment about drinking at work…

“You are so right! I have been dancing for 8 years and I want to quit drinking, I have to quit drinking I am scared I’m going to lose my husband because of one of my drunken fits. I actually have a reputation for my Tolerance in the club but when I get home I disgust my husband. P.s I only drink at work. If you have any advice I could really use it. I don’t drink for confidence anymore. I drink heavy out of habit. HELP…” ~Starr

Hi Starr,
First, I’d like to say thank you for writing. Recognizing that you might have a problem and being able to talk about it is extremely brave. Don’t lose heart though, there is much you can do regarding this destructive habit that we can all succumb to. These suggestions are not only applicable to alcohol but any abusive substance or negative behavior that anybody can change.
You need to decide whether you need professional help (such as AA) or if this is something you think and feel you can handle. Not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic but this sounds like this is a pretty serious stronghold. Sit down with yourself and have a nice HONEST chat. Don’t kid yourself or try to rationalize why you would or wouldn’t need help. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by being as truthful with yourself. Spend a good hour some place quiet and listen to what your heart and mind tell you.
Recognize that no matter which route you take – it will be difficult. There is a reason why there are tons of support groups. Withdrawal symptoms (physical and mental) and peer pressure will be the hardest battle you may ever fight. Just know that it isn’t something you need to go through alone. If your husband is patient and understanding, he’ll be there for you. No matter what talk to him about what you are going through. He should be your best friend and confidant having your best interest in his heart. Don’t shut him out because he disapproves of your behavior – which has nothing to do with how much he loves you.

Using the Visualization Technique to modify behavior has greatly helped me in overcoming social pressures. Your body has no idea what is real or imaginary. You can imagine common situations that involve alcohol and changing the decision you make. In my book, The Chameleon Dancer, one can find detailed instructions on exactly how to utilize this technique.

One thing you can start doing right now is choose a non-alcoholic beverage that you enjoy drinking. For example: I really like Mojitos – but instead of ordering one, I order a muddled lime and club soda. If I am chewing mint gum, then it tastes pretty close to a Mojito! Try to stay away from Redbull and RockStar (nasty stuff).

Hope this helped and thanks again Starr.
~Perelandra

**UPDATE 6/2010**

Greetings all! I just wanted to update this post with some extremely important information. The above information is the best advice that I had to give but it comes up short.  I still don’t  have -all- the answers to not drinking at work.  However, after listening to several Tony Robbins programs, I have successfully quit drinking at work – to the point that I am completely free from any and all temptation – even boredom!

How did I do it? I found adequate leverage against myself. Allow me to explain.

When I am at home I don’t drink. ( I think I had a glass of wine with dinner at my parents house about 5 months ago. ) So I know that this issue is not a physical addiction but a habitual  one. It started out as self medicating over an emotional break up. I knew that my behavior wasn’t serving me well but I continued anyway. I even thought that moving to a new club would give me the strength to concur my stupid habit through will power.  Wrong. It wasn’t enough – not even close.

I tried using my suggested technique of visualization to change my behavior but it isn’t an acceptable application. What was I doing wrong? Why couldn’t I stop? I know that alcohol is bad for me, has empty calories, and makes my body acidic as well as hurts my money. What was I missing?

2 things: I was focusing on what I didn’t want and not what I wanted and I needed leverage.

So I began to focus on what I did want. I remembered that I danced for years without getting into this negative social trap. And with that success in mind, I began to seek out my leverage.

My word is my bond. Its my honor and self worth as well as apart of my identity. If I cannot keep my word – about anything – I feel weak, out of character and unhappy. It is that important to me.  So if I tell you I am going to do something, I either do it or I will call you to cancel. i have to be accountable. Period.

I told my best dancer girlfriend that I stopped drinking. “I don’t drink anymore unless I am in VIP and my money is on the line.”  I gave her my word! Another key element is that  she works the same days that I do so she’s there to keep me in line and true to my word.

Now, this may work for some of you but not all, I’m sure. You’ll need to find your leverage, your motivation and keep it at work with you.  Start with something or principle that has motivated you in the past.

If you can’t seem to figure it out, I recommend you listen to a Tony Robbins program such as Get The Edge or Lessons In Mastery and start exploring who you are and who you want to become.

To your freedom!

~Perelandra